Wendy

For Ridinghood, it was much like any other morning.  She woke up, greased her joints, and went into the kitchen.  She poured motor oil over her honey and nut flavored cereal, and sat down to eat.  As usual, her parents were already awake. This morning, however, they looked oddly nervous.  Red asked them what was wrong.

“Well, Red, honey,” began her mother, “we’ve decided that you are mature enough to handle this; you are adopted.”  Red continued to eat her cereal. She was not terribly surprised; it was something she had always suspected. After all, neither of her parents was a cyborg.  

For a few moments there was an awkward silence in the kitchen.  Her parents were looking at Red anxiously. Her father cleared his throat and said, “A woman called here, claiming to be your Grandmother.  If you wanted to meet her, we would fully support your decision.”

Red was quiet for a few more minutes, thinking it over.  “Well,” she began, “I suppose it can’t hurt anything to meet this woman.  There may be hereditary diseases or something that I need to know about.”

A week later, Red was at the Bus Station; the address the woman had given was only a few hours ride.  Red could tell that her parents were nervous, but she did her best to act calm and confident. After all, the last thing she wanted to do was worry her parents any more than necessary.

The bus pulled up, and Red kissed her parents; “I’ll be home tomorrow,” she promised, “I’ve got my cell phone App,” she added, tapping the robotic side of her head.  “I’ll call you as soon as I get there.” And so, she boarded the bus, waved once, and then she was on her way.

The bus rattled its way into deep forest; after awhile Red drifted off into sleep.  When she woke up, it was late afternoon, and the bus had begun slowing down. “End of the line,” announced the bus driver, “everyone gets off here!”

Red stood up, stretched, picked up her belongings, and headed to the front of the bus.  As she disembarked, she looked around. The bus stop outside was a shock: a wooden bench underneath a small rough wooden overhang, surrounded by dense forest, was all that greeted her.  “Well,” she said to herself, “I’d better call my parents, and then I’ll look up the address on my internal GPS App, to figure out where to go next.” The phone rang a few times, and then went to voicemail, so Red left her parents a message that she had arrived safely.  Then, she accessed her GPS App; it told her to turn around. When she did, she saw a dirt path that she had not noticed before. The GPS indicated that she should follow the path, and so she began to walk. The path led into dark woods, and Red was immensely glad she had remembered to bring the bear Mace her father had given to her on her 18th birthday.  She took a deep breath to calm her nerves, flipped on her forehead-flashlight, and kept walking. After what seemed like an eternity, Red suddenly emerged from the woods into a small clearing. A small white cottage with a red door was nestled up against the woods, was certainly not what she expected to see. It was clear to see that even the neat little lawn was mowed regularly.  She paused in surprise for a moment, and then continued to walk toward the cottage.

Just as she was about to knock, an elderly voice called out, “It’s unlocked, my dearey, come on in!”  And so Red, chewing her lip apprehensively, turned the handle and pushed open the door. The small front room was empty, the furniture simple.  The smell that greeted her was that of something delicious baking in the oven. “I hope you like Pineapple Upside-Down Cake,” the voice said from another room, “I’ll be right in to greet you properly; you are earlier than I expected.”  As the last was spoken, a stooped, elderly woman appeared in the doorway. She had straight, pure silver hair.

“Hi,” said Red inanely, “I’m, uh, your Granddaughter, I guess.”  The woman just smiled, and picked up an oil can from a small side table.  She oiled up her hand and elbow joints, then crossed the room, extending her robotic arm towards Red’s hand.

“I beg your pardon, my older joints are beginning to stiffen; I’ve got to keep well-oiled.  I can’t run around oiling only once a week like I used to! How wonderful to finally meet you,” smiled the old woman, “Please, come into the kitchen, it was probably a long walk, and you would probably like some refreshment.” Red smiled politely, but inwardly she was puzzled.  Something was familiar about this woman, but she could not put her finger on what, exactly. She followed the woman into the kitchen and sat at a small wooden table in front of a warm fire. The old lady poured them each a cup of coffee and also took a seat.  

“If I may ask-” began Red,

“How did I know you were outside, before you even knocked? Oh, haha, I have very good ears, my dear,” interrupted the old woman gently.

The old lady set a timer that was next to her elbow.  “You have some questions,” stated the woman, clearly not asking.

“Yes,” Red began, “You are half-robot too, like me. I’ve never met another.  How, I mean…”Red stuttered, unsure how to phrase her question.  

The old woman seemed to understand.  “You want to know how you came to be the way you are,” the old woman stated, again not asking a question.  Relieved, Red nodded, glad that her silly stuttering had been stopped.

The old woman smiled and began:

“Once upon a time, two sweet little old ladies lived in these very woods, with their nephew, who was crazy and believed himself to be Theodore Roosevelt, the former president and big-game hunter.  They also had a tamed pet leopard. One morning, the old ladies had gone out to feed the leopard her breakfast and the leopard accidentally escaped. Teddy, because he believed himself to be a great hunter, decided to go out and hunt the leopard down.

At the same time,  travelling through the forest were four friends, and they were being pursued by a werewolf.  Dora, a sweet, normal, average young girl, was always finding herself on surprising adventures, and always carried a map that she believed could speak to her.  She was in love with one of her companions: a robotic man called Lead-Lined Larry. Also in their company was Tony, who dressed like a pirate but could not speak with a pirate accent to save his own life, and Ringo Starr.  Since The Beatles had broken up, Ringo had taken to dressing up like an Alaskan brown bear and introducing himself to everyone he met as “Pansy”.  

Dora was trying to find her way home, which the map had told her was on the other side of the forest, but she was forever being chased by the werewolf, Jerry, who had some kind of creepy obsession with her.  None of the companions knew what Jerry wanted, exactly, but they helped Dora anyway. He must have had bad intentions, they reasoned; he was a werewolf after all.

Unfortunately, Ringo’s costume was bulky and clumsy.  As he crashed through the undergrowth, Teddy, who was still hunting the leopard, saw him and took aim, and shot Ringo in the foot.  The other three people panicked and crashed into one another, and into trees, all falling down, in attempts to flee. Teddy called out, and everyone calmed down.  They gathered around Ringo/Pansy, who was lying on the ground sobbing, and Teddy realized his mistake. Teddy apologized, but also defended himself. “What kind of crazy person dresses up like a bear in the forest, in the middle of hunting season?” he demanded as he adjusted his bulky African safari hat in agitation.

“I don’t think it’s actually bear-hunting season,” reasoned Larry.

“It isn’t!” shouted Teddy, “but it IS leopard hunting season; you all must be crazy!”

Dora, meanwhile, examined the wound on Ringo’s foot.  She announced that it didn’t look fatal. Ringo/Pansy, however, insisted that he was going to die, that it was all Yoko Ono’s fault, and that the rest of the party should go on without him.

“OK,” said Tony.  “Oh, I mean, ‘Aye-aye matey.’” (Tony was not a good pirate at all, but he did have a parrot)

The group departed, as the werewolf was still following them, and they began to move quickly.  Teddy, upon learning that a werewolf was in the forest, decided there was safety in numbers and remained with Dora and her friends.  By now, they had pretty much forgotten about Ringo/Pansy, and began to skip, singing “Don’t Stop Believing,” by Journey. Teddy could not believe that he, a former United States President, was stuck wandering the forest with a bunch of insane people.  The irony was lost upon him.

“We love skipping and singing,” Tony told Teddy, “you should really try it!”

“You don’t talk like a pirate,” observed Teddy.

“Yarharhar!” laughed Tony.

“Now you are trying too hard,” Teddy said.

The trio continued to sing classical rock songs as they skipped through the woods, until they found a meadow filled with daffodils.  Dora decided to leap into the flower field and roll around. “Wait!” cried out Larry, “What about our allergies?” But it was too late.  The pollen was inhaled by everyone, and the sniffles and coughs that ensued exhausted them; soon they fell asleep.

And, of course, as they were sleeping, the werewolf caught up to them.  He was very tired from chasing Dora through the forest. In reality, he didn’t have any nefarious reason for chasing Dora; as a matter of fact, he was deeply in love with her.  He followed her out of concern, because the people she had been hanging out with seemed very unbalanced, so he was trying to make sure she stayed out of trouble. He pulled all of the companions out of the flower field, and soon they recovered from their allergies, and they woke up.

Tony and Teddy panicked when they saw werewolf, even though Jerry tried to reassure them that he did not want to eat them.  He rolled his eyes, but suddenly his ears pricked. “Stop making so much noise,” he hissed frantically. But he had heard the noise too late.  A herd of Guinea Pigs stampeded through the clearing, being chased by a leopard who must have thought she’d died and gone to heaven.

Jerry jumped, grabbing Dora and pulling her to safety.  Larry, being lined with lead, was unscathed. But tragically, Tony and Teddy were trampled to death by the panicked Guinea Pigs.

Dora had already told Jerry many times that she was not interested in dating him, but since he was there again she decided another talk was needed.  She told him that she was grateful that he had saved her, but that following her around all the time was really creepy and he needed to stop. Then, she and Larry skipped off into the forest.  The two got married about a year later, and almost immediately Dora got pregnant. Her baby girl was a cyborg, half robot half girl, who she named Wendy. Unfortunately, Dora died in childbirth, from complications due to lead poisoning.  Larry was devastated by his wife’s death, and he decided to kill himself. He went outside in a rainstorm and stood perfectly still, until he completely rusted over. Luckily for the baby girl, Jerry planned to adopt her, raise her to be just like her mother, tell her the whole story, and marry her; lucky for him, werewolves don’t age unless they want to or something.”

The old lady sipped her coffee, which by now must have been quite cold.  Red sat in silent shock. The old woman was clearly nuts; the story was total nonsense! 

“Then, up, who am I, in relation to the characters?” Red asked, nonchalantly trying to reach into her bag  for her bear Mace, in case the woman was insane AND violent.

Suddenly, the old woman waved her hand, holding something.  It was the Mace from Red’s bag. Red swallowed loudly. “Grandmother? What’s going on?” she said, trying to keep her voice from shaking.

“Don’t you realize, Wendy?” the woman asked; her voice had become low and gravelly.

“I’m Red,” the girl replied, wondering how she’d ever thought this woman looked frail.

As the girl watched, the person across the table removed the robotic arm, revealing a normal one underneath.  The white hair was pulled off, revealing dark curly hair. The nose began to lengthen, and the eyes glinted in the firelight.

“The child protective services took you from me once.  It’s me, Jerry. I’ve watched you ever since your mother and father died, Wendy.”

“Red, my name is Red,” the girl whispered again.

The werewolf ignored this, and smiled…or snarled.

“You will be mine, forever.  I’ll turn you into a werewolf, and we will never be apart again.”

“My, what big teeth,” said Wendy.